You might, of course, be tempted to lock yourself in the cellar with that case of 1982 Mouton that you bought back in the days when you had money, pull a giant Maga hat over your head and ask friends and family to wake you up when it’s all over – assuming the planet hasn’t been reduced to a smouldering husk. Though even then the Italians would probably still find a way of producing suspiciously large amounts of Prosecco.
If you can’t face reality, but are also concerned that a 12-month hibernation might make you a bit, well, out of the loop, then Decanter has the answer. Chris Losh has picked through the entrails of one of the six remaining Bengal tigers* to see what wine lovers can expect from 2025.
*no tigers were harmed in the creation of these predictions. Only poorly-chosen metaphors.
January
Elon Musk uses his one-time social media platform, Ex, to launch a blistering attack on Europe’s governing wine bodies.
In a series of furious posts, the Tesla boss says that growers should be ‘free to plant what they want where they want’, get rid of the ‘tyrants who rule with an iron jackboot’ and ‘liberate themselves from the woke wine virus’ before asking growers to join him on his new vineyards in Greenland.
French wine growers, however, remain largely unmoved by his rhetoric.
‘I’ve never heard of Élan Musk,’ says one. ‘I don’t wear aftershave…’
February
Disruptive Californian wine brand Jump The Bandwagon sets a record for a new launch by selling one million bottles of its new weight-loss wine, Ozem Peak in less than 24 hours.
Described as a ‘white Zin but with less sugar and some other stuff thrown in’, its creator is adamant that the science is solid.
‘Just like weight-loss injections, it’s all about removing the desire for consumption,’ says winemaker Wyatt Zin. ‘And believe me, once you’ve had a couple of glasses of this stuff, you’re not going to go back to drinking wine in a hurry.’
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